Interview with a client

In celebration of our 25th anniversary, I was fortunate enough to sit down with Tom H. to hear more about his journey as a caregiver and his experience with Normandale Center for Healing and Wholeness. He has been a familiar face at our support groups since he became concerned about his wife a few years ago.  The two of them were high school sweethearts who have been married for 54 years!

How did you hear about Normandale Center for Healing & Wholeness?

I came across the Center while searching for information about Alzheimer’s Disease on the internet. After the first time (I attended support group) I was sold. Anytime I can talk this place up to people I do. We winter in the South, and I sorely miss the group when we are away for the season. The staff has also been of immense help.  

Tell me about your wife and some of the concerns you started to have in the beginning?

She is very smart. She was still teaching during the pandemic, and she started to forget meetings and lunch dates. She started repeating herself sometimes, but the average person wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong. She has two master’s degrees and could fake it well. My adult children didn’t initially understand my concerns. I started coming here (the Center) at that point and the group told me that this was not unusual.

How has it changed your relationship?

It hasn’t been really challenging, in some ways it’s better. Of course, I get frustrated with her, but I put on my electronic calendar as a reminder every Sunday night to “remember it’s the disease not the person.”

What made you reach out for support?

I reached out because I felt alone and like I was the only one facing the issue.  Research shows that they are never going to get better. I’m a voracious reader and because of my business experience I know that asking questions doesn’t mean someone is stupid, in fact it’s the opposite.

What reassurances or benefits have you gotten from support group?Laughter! It’s a sad disease but sometimes you just gotta laugh. We share info with each other. The group as a whole has helped me on every step of this journey.  Hearing from others who are farther along the path has taught me that you don’t know when you will come home one day, and they will be “lost.” It could be today or next year. You can’t just stay at home. Life changes you.

Our kids are in a busy time of their life so it’s good to get all the info and support you can from other people.

What would you tell other caregivers in similar positions if you had to give them some advice?

Come to a support group where you can grow and realize you are not alone. Lean on people who have been through this and dealt with it afterwards. And use the staff (at the Center), they are trained and experienced.

Normandale Center for Healing and Wholeness is celebrating our 25th anniversary - any thoughts on this milestone or thoughts about organizations like this as we move forward?

The world needs more organizations like this. They should be all over the country and easy to find. I’m thinking about finding out how to start a support group down south when I’m there over the winter.